Snippets of dreams,

Balancing campus life

Dearest all,

This is officially the first week of university school life. Had a couple of lectures and also been through the competitive “star wars” and got into ‘Introduction to Psychology’ module for my elective. Had trouble navigating around school but thank God for angels that also guide me around. :) 

Met Kelly and Sakino during lecture and realized they are actually my classmates. Sociology modules seem to be really tough and not as hopeful as I have expected. But nevertheless, I am going to do my best and strive towards my goal still. Past few days were filled with OG meetings, suppers and Caretalyst meetings. Not exactly active in socializing but I try my best to keep connected with my new friends.

Kind of stress with the new commitment and role in Caretalyst but I am thankful of God giving me this opportunity to expose me to more responsibility to challenge myself and grow. Even though I know I lack of the skills and experiences, but having a teachable attitude and willingness and openness to learn will bring me there. I also thank God for all the supportive and encouraging angels like Xin Hui, Weijian and Zonghan that are willing to guide me.

Another thing that troubled me is the commitment towards hall. I dont know how can I contribute to hall when I am so restricted in many ways like sports and music. Dear God, I pray that You will guide me and empower me to contribute back to hall in a way that I can manage and also grow through that role. 

Silly one, Winnie

Stepping out of comfort zone

Dear Me,

Adapting to university life is really not easy. Constantly have to keep myself updated and active in social life before people start to cast you out from their plans. I really don’t like to force myself to be part of cliques and follow their habits and lifestyles that is different. But I have to keep reminding myself to step out of my comfort zone, in order to grow. Oh man, and that is really tough. 

My time table for this semester is really quite slack which is really worrying because I don’t know if I can utilize my pockets of free time wisely and effectively. And I really have to be independent and discipline cos I probably have to spend much time alone. And try not to let myself fall into emo-ness. I am also pondering if I should commit my time to serve the school or hall committee but I totally have no confidence to run and compete for the popularity and deal with politics. 

At first I thought that entering NTU maybe quite welcoming because some of my closest trusted friends are there, but I realized actually even if we share the same room, our interaction is actually still very limited. Probably its because everything is so new and foreign, that I still need time to settle down into my new environment. But I really hope that this lost, confusing feeling will be gone soon, as I embark on this new educational journey of my life. 

The camps are supposed to help me mingle more and better with the fellow hall mates and my school mates. I guess they are really helpful to some extent, but a big part of me actually dread parts of the camp and even the interaction with others. Sometimes I wonder if I am really such a social awkward, or what’s wrong with me? But sometimes I really feel so tired talking or even socializing with others. I just want to be myself, really. I am tired of smiling when I really feel like shit inside. I am tired of making small talks just to keep pointless conversations going. I am tired of being enthusiatic for stuff that I am really not passionate or looking forward to. Oh God, am I being an anti social? But I am so tired.

And university life is somehow always interlinked with love, or life partners. It is like an open matchmaking agency where people are actively or inactively looking for love. Sometimes its quite saddening to see how some people doing all sorts of superficial or materialistic stuff to win the hearts of their crushes. And what makes it worse is most people still judge by looks more than character. It really makes me more determined not to fall into any temptations and lose track of my life again. 50% building my relationship with God & 50% rebuilding my life. I really can’t afford to fall in love again. My heart please be good and stay tamed. 

The sudden date on Friday was really shocking. I am really confused and I don’t wanna know what’s really happening actually. But nevertheless, let it shall remain this way. God will take care of it for me, I will just hold His hand and trust Him and  walk His way. 

Father, thank you for placing me into NTU Hall 11, and into the caring hands of some angels. Father, I pray that I can settle down into campus life soon and be comfortable and productive in my next 4 years. Father, I pray that You will take away my anxiety and worries for my studies and friendship with my fellow mates and replace them with Your endless Grace & Love. Father, I give You all the praise and glory for being such a faithful God and loving Father, that Your are my comforter and the Highest Rock that I look up and reach out to. 

In Jesus’s precious name,

Amen.