"You cannot use someone else’s fire. You can only use your own. And in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe that you have it."
Audre Lorde (via larmoyante)
"Most of us ask for advice when we know the answer but we want a different one."
Ivern Ball (via stevenbong)
"For everything you have lost, you have gained something else."
"Most of the pain you’re dealing with are really just thoughts… ever think of that?"
Unknown (via drapetomania)
Letter to myself at the end of 2014
Hello to the 22 yrs old me at the end of 2014,
Firstly, I would like to congratulations myself for surviving 21 years of this course called life. And as much as I would like to, but remember not to look back and regret any tinge of your past, because it has made you as beautiful and as strong as you are today, right now.
You must be thinking how fast (happy times) or slow (times you dread) time has passed and whether or not you have managed to even try to fulfil your resolutions. But don’t worry girl about disappointing yourself because this year, there is none for you. Rather than focusing on your disappointment this year, why not take those snippets of time to take deep breathe, long therapeutic walks, smell a flower by the side of the road, sing out loud a song you really love, eat an icecream and let it drools down the cone like you were a little girl, or simply just think of something nice and thank God for that.
You must be also thinking its easier said that done, and how tired and drained out you are from the battles this year. Some days or moments in the year, you might be so tired that you even want to give up all that you have been fighting for and ask God why are all these happening to you. Then remember, you have survived another year, gained how many days of your life and then be thankful for it be it good or bad, because you lived when how many others have not. Remember how lucky you have this chance to reflect upon your life when others at the same moment are struggling with their last breathe.
It is okay to be tired, drained, sad, worried, angry or even resentful. Let the emotions flow. Let them be shown. Others may judge you, others may bad mouth you, others may sympathise you and worst, others may even leave you. But its okay, because those whom matter, never leave. Those whom really know you, know your inner struggles, how bitchy life has been to me, and most importantly, they know. They know, you are only human. They know how imperfect you are, yet they still love your every single flaw. They know how upset you can get the next moment even when you are feeling like the luckiest person on Earth now, and still hold on to you and tell you its okay. They know death is real, they know no matter how much you try to preserve moments of your life with your loved ones, eventually one of you will leave first. Yet, they choose to have faith and live on bravely because they know the one that has left first would do the same for them. They know that love is a wonderful thing, but it comes with consequences. Yet they are still willing to open their hearts and love you, because you are worth it.
And then, when you have found people or rather this person whom may not be able to do that successfully all the times but tried his/her best to do so, hold on to their hands and never let go no matter how harsh the words get during the fights, how far the distance gets away from one another, how loud the temptations out there distracting you to give up, and how convincing the thoughts on impulse tell you life will get better when you let go, and how real the emotional pain are when you are hurting, recall love. Recall the moments when you guys promise nothing can tear you two apart, recall times when life is so good with them around that you wish that moment will freeze, recall the worst times of your life turning into the best moments in life because of their presence, remember the encouraging words they say to you when life’s bleak, remember how much he/her is willing to do just to keep you by their side, remember that the moments when they say I love you, you feel exactly the same and how much you cant afford to lose them.
Is there some words or actions your loved ones have make you sad, disappointed or even discouraged today? Remember forgiving is not easy, but love thaws away the coldness, bitterness, resentment you have accumulated over the years as long as you are willing to. Falling in love when you least expected is easy, falling head over heels for someone is not difficult, falling deeply in love is possible, but falling in love with someone till the very last moment takes patience, forgiveness, compassion and most importantly willingness to have faith even when the skies are at its darkest, the pain is intolerable, and the voices of angels are inaudible.
You must know that you have a choice. A choice to believe in your love and make it happen or not.
When I said yes to him on 18th June 2013, I know it is my choice and I want to live up to it. So I pray that when I am reading this on the last day of 2014, I can smile and say I have lived up to it, because I choose to have faith; because I choose to love.
Austen, I love you. I really do.
All the glory and thanks for my ABBA father, and this letter is not just for the later me, but its for my loving bf and of course my loving Lord, Jesus. TYJ for everything that has happened this year. And also TYJ for all the great or bad (greater) things You have for me in the days ahead. <3
"Your brokenness doesn’t make God want to turn away, your brokenness is why God has sought you, and why He draws near to you now, even as you read this."
Unka Glen (unkaglen.tumblr.com)
"Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. Loudly and often. You never know when it might be too late."
Tom Hiddleston (via thisisyourmaverick)
"I want to forget everything you told me. I want to wash away how uncertain you made me. How scared I was of losing you. How I lost you anyway. I don’t want to know how your hands feel or what makes you smile. I don’t want to see you in photos, familiar like a dream I had once or a book I never finished. I don’t want to speak about you in snippets or think about how I behaved. Or know that I still think about it. Or know that you’re not just a lamp or a blade of grass, indistinguishable from the rest."
Gaby Dunn (via drapetomania)
"The trick, kiddo,” his mom replies slowly. “Is finding someone who complements you instead of completes you. You need to be complete on your own."
Unknown (via drapetomania)
"People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head—the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you."
William H. Woodwell Jr. (via creatingaquietmind)
"People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love - love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It’s ridiculous."
Matt Chandler (via pictureimperfect)