Rainbow after rain
Hello all,
Blogging the first time from my new house. :) Things are not exactly smooth yesterday, but yay the family warmth and stuff and is starting to penetrate back into our lives and I feel like I am living properly and breathing for the first time in these three years. Like rainbow after rain, that relieved and appreciative feeling.
And with that I want to give thanks to my Father Lord, for his Grace and Love that turns my life around and answering to the prayers that we have made years ago. And I would also like to thank my parents for their endurance during these past years of hardship, not giving up on hope no matter how bleak the future has become or how much suffering they have gone through, how many meals they have forsaken just to save money for the house rental, how much loss of dignity, and their strong love for me and us as a family.
I also want to thank you two men that have protected, encouraged, motivated, loved me to enable me to tide through this stormy period. Even though the first man is no longer my man, I thank you Kenneth Lim from the bottom of my heart that makes everything possible today for me. Its his love for me that has brought me so far. Its his arms that carried me when I fall, its his shoulders that I lean when I am tired, its his hands that wipe my tears when I cry, its his heart that beats with me when I feel that I am all alone in this world suffering, its his love for me that gives me hope to carry on living. Thank you, I will never forget your love and kindness towards me, and you will always remain as a pillar of hope and love in my heart.
And the second man is my soul mate. A man that motivates me with his past and never-giving-up attitude, a man that really respects women, a man has an admirable character, and a man that gives me hope and brings me out of my devastating and self-denial state…He teaches me how to live life properly and he presents all the ugly truth of my life in front of me, and forces me to accept and stop running away from them. He makes me understand the simplest life lessons and put me in a position to start my life again towards the right way. And he brings me so much encouragement and love this period of my life that keeps me going, breaking through my thoughts, and keep growing each day through his words. Thank you war cow, your monkey warrior will keep on fighting this war, our war together!
And I also like to thank you my uncles and some relatives that have helped us tide through this period be it financially or the physical work of renovating and facilitating in our logistics in moving house. Thank you for sharing our pain and giving us some love!
And lastly thank you my dearest circle of friends that have always been there, encouraging me, believing with me, worrying with me, fighting my obstacles with me the past three years. I am so touched to have such trustworthy and true friends like you all that made me come so far today. Thank you my dearies!
Last but not least, I would like to thank my grandparents that have always been kept in my mind and heart, motivating me powerfully to keep on going and not giving up despite all those shit going on. Thank you for being so close to my heart and thank you for being my family!
Before I break into another rounds of thankful joyful tears, I want to give praise and all the glory to my dear Father Jesus, and thank you Lord for all the miracles you have cast on my life and shape me into who I am today.
Love,
Winnie
The lessons from moving house
It had been 1 and a half years since I last moved to this rented house. I remembered I was in school having lessons and I did not contribute to anything at all during that time and I even threw a temper after school. That time only Ken and my parents did the logistics themselves with a few hours lorry disposal. I really think that I was so immature at that time. Now I realized how tough and strenuous it was to move house and how much Ken had done for me and my parents for the past two years.
I know I was in a terrible plight that time but I really find myself so ridiculous and pampered. Indulging in my own self pity and I thought my parents owe me this, but what the hell? I am so spoilt at that time -.- so what I’d I have a bloody scar on my back, I also should not think that I am a princess and just be ignorant to the duties that I am also responsible for.
And also Ken. I haven realized how temperamental I have been till today. Probably he has to endure my extreme mood swings and sarcastic remarks and stuff when I am down or just plain moody. I am always yearning for so much love and concern that I didn’t realized that I should actually stop yearning and appreciate things that people have already done for me.
Gosh..I feel so guilty when I finally realized today. But okay better late than never. Winnie! Better jiayou and be more mature! You are not going to be pampered anymore, get out of your bloody comfort zone and then start living responsibly! Be mature!!
Love, Winnie
Dream & Reality
No matter how beautiful the dream is, we still have to wake up and continue living our lives. That’s reality.
"My Mother is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely."
Renita Weems
She is my Mother
She is a brave Warrior,
Using her bare body to protect me from stormy days like an armour,
No amount of rain or shine can stop her,
For her love for me has no barrier.
She is a patient Gardener,
Planting and sowing the only seed in her life,
No matter how long or hard it takes,
She believes and loves with all her heart as the most dutiful caretaker.
She is a wonderful Mother,
The role model I look up to in awe,
Touching and warming up each day of my life like no others,
Mum I just want to say having you as my mum is my pleasure!
She is my Mother,
Like my Mother, like her Daughter,
I will live a life worthy to God’s calling,
So that she will be proud of me as her Darling.
Winnie Khoo
May 2012
The week of blessings and miracles
I made it into Ntu Sociology :) thanks to my Lord’s endless love and faith for me. I would not have made it so far if not because of God and his Grace towards me and the cow angel.
Finally I saw the fruits that I had sowed 3 years ago, those struggles and sacrifices were real. And of course thanks to the countless blessings I had received during this harsh period of my life. Despite the toughness, I thank God for his love for me, putting me in situations that really polish and mould me into a woman of better character and attitude. My Father really loves me by moving me 3 times this period, which enables me to pick up so many life lessons that a normal kid would not have gone through.
And also another miracle by God, my family finally got our 2 room rental flat. It was a tough fight as well, but I thank you for reserving the best house that he felt that is meant for us and help us prosper in that house of God. It was at central location and all I hope is safety and peace upon our family and our home.
As expected, my life is never a smooth sailing one. Despite the miracles, I received a very big blow this evening that really broke my heart. Probably he is right, even if I got into Ntu my current family situation is still remained bad and unstable. I really don’t know how to deal with these blows but to be sad and disappointed that despite the efforts put in to savage our ties, his actions would only harden my heart further, and stabbing my open wounds deeper and deeper. Father, I pray that there will be financial blessings coming to my family and also please strengthen my family bond. Father, please shield me from this hurt that my father has inflicted on me again and again but I thank you that I still have a loving and good heavenly Father. Amen.
Love, Winnie
其实还爱你
深夜里，回忆牢牢地徘徊在我的脑海里。原来放手后，留下的只是遗憾及断断续续的美好回忆。电话里，你温柔地叫我忘记你所做的不够好，要我找个更爱我的人。我镇压着内心里的真心话，假装自己很坚强没事，但其实内心话是想说其实我还爱你。忍住不让自己痛哭，直到挂电话后，泪水沸腾地往下流。分开后才发现爱情里没有对错，也没有谁爱得比较多。彼此可以相爱，不是缘分，是幸福。越是相爱越是彼此牺牲更大，明明知道两颗心还是为彼此跳，却微笑离开希望彼此找到更好的。当初的感动心动会随着岁月变得更珍贵。当初的煎熬牺牲我会牢牢记载内心里，感恩有你陪我度过最难忘的岁月。当初的诺言不再枷锁而是温暖的安慰。爱太深能让不好的模糊，谎言给忘掉，伤痛给癒合，错的给原谅。
林维杰，我从不后悔爱上你，与你度过这难忘的两年。因为你爱我你把我放了，因为我爱你我会好好的活下去，再痛也不能放弃。
谢谢上帝让你这个奇迹发生在我的身上。
-你的猪猪婆
Life is like a box of chocolates
This week is coming to an end. No news from NTU yet, keeping my anxiety level high and moods crazy. However, finally we received news on our housing and finally the day is coming.. I do not dare to put my hopes high, but just keep my mind open so as to prepare myself from the upcoming changes and uncertainty.
The last few rocky years have taught me not to put in too much hope for anything, so that I will not fall so deep and so low as before. There is no excitement no anticipation no joy but simply accepting whatever it comes with a neutral attitude.
This is a transitional period of my life, my friends repeatedly drill this into my mind. But till now I cannot understand what exactly should I anticipate during this period? Excited for my future? Or dread the reality of being an adult? Anticipate those uncontrollable life routes? Or drafting up a backup plan? Dare to dreams again? Crush silly dreams?
I dont know and I don’t want to know. My mind is like experience airplane turbulence… Clouded from the path ahead. Mysterious in a scary scary way. Am I going to take flight and land safely? Or am I going to crash into the mountains or ocean? Will I survive or will I perish with unfulfilled dreams?
Life is like a box of chocolates.. You will never know what kind of chocolate you will pick next. I have gotten too many rotten ones, I hope the next one will be my favorite milk chocolate.
Love,
Winnie the girl wishing for a sweet chocolate
错的人
我太笨，明知道你是错的人，明知道这不是缘分，可是我还是奋不顾身。
你太傻，明知道我是错的人，明知道这是上天的玩笑，可是还是全心全意的呵护我。
我们都傻，明知道没有结局，还是宁可相信短暂的永恒。
爱得太深，分不清对错，也不顾一切创下刻骨铭心的爱情。
最后的结局不想知道，管它幸福还是伤心，爱过才重要。
"She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world."
Joanne Harris (via girlinlondon)
(Source: larmoyante, via dazingdreamer)
Oh, Come and be my Knight
Come and be my Knight,
Hold me close and tight,
Cos nothing is going right,
And I am all alone this dreadful night.
Who can hear my whispering,
Getting softer and softer in hearing,
Drowning in my misery,
Slowly disappearing like mystery.
Frustration go away,
Hatred hides in my doorway,
Leading my thoughts astray,
Leaving me in a magnitude of gray.
Come and be my Light,
Empower me to put on a fight,
To defeat the darkness during the night,
So that we can be reunited, Knight!
Love me oh my Knight,
Please come and be my Light,
Pull me through my darkest nights,
Only with you I will be alright!
Winnie Khoo
2012
